How To Commit Adultery Without Being a Cheap Slutty Whore: A QA by Diana Gabaldon
Q: I love my husband but I'm feeling kind of restless. But adultery is wrong. So what do I do?
A: Easy! Go back in time!
Q: What do you mean, Ms. Gabaldon?
A: If you go back in time, your husband hasn't been born yet. So you can have wild and crazy SM sex with impunity.
Q: But won't I still be married to him?
A: Aren't you listening? He hasn't been BORN yet. So you aren't married! But if you are really being such a stickler, then just have someone force you to get married to someone else.
Q: But, but, no one can force me to get married against my will!
A: Okay, let me lay it out for you: You're really hot for this sexy warrior barbarian guy, right? I know this, because you stop thinking about your husband about 24 hours after you've been dropped in this guy's arms. So you get in this situation where some obscure tribal law insists you have to get married, make a little protest, sign some papers, and voila!
Q: But that doesn't mean I have to sleep with him.
A: Oh but you do, because some random dude insists that you have to. Don't worry, the sex will be great even though he's a 23 year old virgin. So you see, you HAVE to do it, so it's okay.
Q; But isn't it a sin?
A: Fine, find a priest at the end of the book to absolve you, whatever. And anyway, it's okay because your husband basically told you it was okay, right before you were whisked back in time. Seriously, go for it. When else will you get the chance? You've been married for years. You deserve a little hot and heavy barbarian action.
Q: So what's this hot barbarian guy like?
A: Well, watch out, because he loves to reminisce about how his dad used to beat him and how wonderful that was. And he really gets off on beating you, but it's just the once. Oh, and it seems that he wants you so badly he can't restrain from ramming you repeatedly with his male member while telling you how much he can't restrain himself and that gets seriously annoying after the twentieth time. But otherwise, it's all good.
Q: Anything else I should be aware of?
A: Surprise! Buttsex! But not for you, so it's okay.
Oddly, I'm going to read the next one in the series. Because I'm bizarrely fascinated. It's like a train wreck.
Edit 1:
Someone in the comments said I should copy this into the review, so here you go:
Plot Summary
Claire: I love my husband! I love sex!
Frank: But it's okay if you have sex with someone else, in certain circumstances.
Standing Stones: SUCK! Ha ha, you're in another time!
The AntiFrank: Ooooh, I think I will rape you.
Claire: Eeek!
Clansmen: Scots to the rescue! Here, meet Jamie and his manly manhood.
Jamie: Och, aye, I'm a tough laddie. And I'm going to kill the AntiFrank for beating the shit outta of me and raping my sister.
Claire: Ooooh, he's cute. Hey, wasn't I married?
Dougal: Ye have to marry the laddie to get away from the AntiFrank.
Claire: Okay.
Dougal: And ye have to have sex wit' him.
Claire: Mmmmm. but. well, okay.
Jamie: I'm a virgin. Oooh, but I love sticking my manhood in ye. It's like a sacrament and all.
Claire: I should get back to Frank, I think I will take this opportunity to run away I guess sort of meh.
The AntiFrank: Ha ha! Found you. Now to rape you!
Jamie: Och, that's my wee lassie. First I'm going to rescue her, then I'm going to beat her for disobeying me. And then I'm going to tell her about how me Da beat me and how much I liked it.
Jealous wench: The village witch is looking for you.
Claire: Okay!
Villagers: She's a witch! Burn her!
Jamie: Over my dead body!
Claire: Honey, I have something to tell you. I'm not a witch but
Jamie: Ye must go back!
Claire: I can't. I long for your manhood too much. It's a manhood like no other.
The AntiFrank: I too long for your manhood. I think I will bugger you right after I crush your hand with a hammer. But, I love you. You remind me of my dead brother. Here's some grease.
Jamie: Ouch. Oooh, but that feels sort of good. Och, I'm so ashamed.
Claire: We must rescue Jamie! Send in the cows!
Jamie: OCH! Me hand! Just let me die!
Claire: Never! Let's go to France.
Jamie: Och, aye lassie, I feel much better now.
Father Anselm: God says it's okay that you're a bigamist.
Claire: Awesome. Time to use my foreknowledge of past events for good!
Diana Gabaldon: The sequel will be 900 pages.
Finis Yes! I read this. I admit it! You caught me! Not only that I loved it. It is a double sin I will likely have to one day repent for by reading piles of Dostoyevsky while I tear out my hair. In any case. Right, once again into the breach to defend myself!
This book is incredibly long. It's just a fact. All of them are. But they go by so incredibly fast. By the time I got to the third one? I read it in three days. The pages just keep turning. I read at double speed I was so engrossed in the story. And I must admit that usually I hate time travel romances ( I mean.. not that I have any experience trying them before never) but this one is not even about that. Or if it is, it just makes it better.
Also? There is a pile of historical information in this text. It deals with the Bonnie Prince Charlie uprising, and the rest of the books go on to deal with the American colonies and the Revolution by the time that they're done. It's not just about the romance. It's about medical treatment, what horrid things Scottish people ate, the reality of what people would have suffered through. Which is in some cases I think a direct indictment of the Scottish Highlander bodicerippers in which everyone is shining and perfect and with awfully clean white teeth. I'd say this is historical fiction than romance.
But fine, let's deal with the romance. Yes. There is a lot of sex. However, I found it to also be deeply intimate and true, brutal, and real. Claire and Jamie, while apart, are deeply attractive and sympathetic characters with a good deal of nobilty about them. Throw them together in love? And they are beautifully frail, selfish, angry, flawed. I love that statement. I really find them so incredibly touching.
So there. It's not just a romance novel. I stick my tongue out oh so maturely at the readers of this review. Contains SPOILERS
I was lying in a hospital bed with my leg broken, and once the library trolley came for a round of 'books, anyone?', my hand was in the air in no time.
Too late did the librarian notice the foreign literature on my bedside table and with a distraught expression try to recover 'Outlander';I said firmly: 'Oh no, Madam, I'll read that.'. Just enough time left for her to make up with a tome of controversial French literature on the genocide in Ruanda
But as I'd said: my first mission was 'Outlander'.
Anyway, it could not be that bad, since I'd seen it sold by the local bookclub before.
Ah yes, it could. After some forty pages, my jaw dropped in disbelief, after some hundred pages the case was as good as closed. But then, to tell the truth, Ms Gabaldon's warped morals kept me going.
Because this brave woman has achieved what I never thought could be done: she has fabricated some catholically correct porn.
Let me point that out:
Claire, pretty much a Mary Jane (on the first few pages her lovely we know it is, curly and unruly, though she claims it is 'not' hair is described at length, and did you know she can heal people? Oh yes, and Did you know she has a spitfire personality, but everybody likes her in spite of that, well not the women, but then, they're either jealous or uptight or both?) is by some zing of the timespace continuum catapulted back to the Scotland of yore, without her husband (goodlooking, sensitive, a savant), but never mind, she finds some replacement in her husband's *evil* ancestor (looks just like him), who's just as much into Claire, but unfortunately lacks the morals to please and guts to take it up with Ms. Spitfire.
This proves to be helpful in forgetting husband#1, handy, since soon Claire arouses the ardour of a young, proud and goodlooking Scotsman, Jamie, who, if a bit on the simple side, is as true as gold, not to mention built like.well yes and just one twist of fate later, they find themselves exchanging vows.
Note: The *good* never have extramarital sex in this book, that's for the evil and sluggish.
Surprise upon surprise, actually Jamie is a virgin on their wedding night, but with a few leads, quickly gets into his role: 'Matrimony turns into a sacrament what would otherwise be a sin', or so it goes.
In the following, this sacrament is bestowed upon darling Claire with unnerving frequency, about every two pages, but it only gets really colourful if preceded by conjugal beating Claire did something bad, Claire has to be punished, yes, she herself aknowledges this in the end, or attempts of strangers (or *evil* husband) to rape her.
Yes, and of course, after Jamie has de facto been raped and tortured by *evil* husband. He's so desolate. Evil husband forced Jamie into actually enjoying the experience. This is not right, Jamie is straight, Jamie is disgusted by himself. But Claire does some sexual healing and reenactment and 'pouf'! To top this off, in the end Claire learns from a monk that de facto both her marriages are considered valid by the church, since the one with Jamie precedes the one back in the 20th century.
Most distasteful because of the 'wifebeating' episode and the fact that homosexuality is shown as an evil trait adherent to the *evil* guy (some young kid with a bible hung himself because of this, strange enough, female victims of rape are not half as suicidal in this book).
So we repeat:
No sex without marriage.
Woman has to obey man. Otherwise she gets into trouble, and he has to punish her.
Homosexuals among the evil only.
Any questions? had there been the possibility to bestow 0 stars on this concoction, ah well. I wanted to write a better review for this book to coincide with the release of the new TV series, where Jamie actually does look pretty hot
Back when I read this as a wee lass (okay, like, three years ago), there weren't quite as many interesting interpretations of the novel going on. I remember reading a bunch of reviews that either sold it as sophisticated, wellresearched historical fiction, or a trashy kiltwearing romance full of sex, violence and violent sex. In my opinion, neither is too far from the truth.
I'm going to be honest: I never finished the series. And I'm starting to think that it's likely I never will. But this means nothing. I thoroughly enjoyed the first four books, which equates to several thousand pages of enjoyment. They are huge, timeconsuming volumes, which is why starting one is such a huge commitment and why I think the remaining books may stay forever unread. But I still think Outlander, at least, is worth reading.
This book is an entertaining, fastpaced romp through 1783 and has numerous close encounters with torture, sexual assault, witch trials and a whole lot of bloodshed. I'm not going to sell you some spiel about historical accuracy I don't have a damn clue what Scotland was really like in the 18th century but I can promise that it's hard to avoid being dragged in and devoured by this novel that is as gruesomely violent as it is exquisitely romantic.
Oh, and about that this book tells the story of Claire Randall who finds herself suddenly transported back a couple hundred years and lands amid the warfare and dangers of Scottish clan life. In these strange circumstances, she meets Jamie. Readers often end up completely divided over Jamie because, although he is sweet and lovable for the majority of the novel, there is one disturbing scene that saddens and enrages any sane 21stCentury reader, including me (though not sure about the sane).
So I will spoil that one thing for you if you like (it's not a major spoiler) there is one scene of domestic violence where Jamie beats Claire with a belt. I am in no way trying to say this act of violence was a good thing or acceptable; it was a sign of the kind of times people lived in back then (sucky times). But I was able to forgive Jamie when viewing the incident within the historical context. I know you're probably thinking "how the fuck is that possible?" well, thing is, if Claire had been a man and she'd done what she did, she would have been flogged to within an inch of her life. As they didn't believe in doing that to women, her punishment was milder and had to be carried out by her husband. Believe me, I raged too. But I was still able to appreciate the rest of the novel.
I always found Gabaldon's characters delightfully complex and welldeveloped. Maybe not everyone feels the same about Claire and Jamie, but I think one of the signs of a great writer is when they can really test my love for their characters, make them do the worst kind of things and still have me angsting over whether or not they would be okay in the end. And I cared for Claire and Jamie. They're one of the few literary couples that I have completely fallen in love with and cared about.
I only hope the TV series is just as good.
{sitelink}Blog | {sitelink}Facebook | {sitelink}Twitter | {sitelink}Instagram | {sitelink}Youtube | {sitelink}Store Here, I'm going to rewrite the scene that ruined this book for me.
Jamie, some Highlander from the 1740's: Claire, you didn't listen to what I said. You disobeyed me, your husband. You risked everyone's lives and I'm going to punish you for your misbehaviour. Yes, I know the evil man abused you and nearly raped you. But that was your own fault. I love you, I really do, and I don't enjoy this, but people expect me to give you the punishment you deserve.
Claire, an educated woman from the 1940's: Jamie, first of all, rape never is the victim's fault. And now you better listen, because I am going to say this just once. If you should ever raise your hand against me, if you ever hurt me, I will, and I promise this, I will make this marriage a living hell for you. From now, until the bitter end, I swear to God that you will regret it.
Jamie, some Highlander from the 1740's who knows better than to disrespect his wife: You're right, Claire. I am very sorry. Forgive me.
Yup. Since that is not what happened, it took all the fun out of it for me. I won't be able to continue this book and forget about what happened. I don't like the way this relationship is portrayed as a healthy one, or how Jamie is a man and husband that teenage girls and women swoon over. We should all know better than this.
{sitelink}Find of my books on Instagram I remember my friend in college ( 1992ish ) coming out of her room holding a book to her chest and saying " YOU HAVE TO READ THIS BOOK". She said it was a timetravel, romance book set in post world war II Scotland and mid 18th century Scotland.
Being as I was a 24 year old stoner and a 5th year college student, Lord of the Rings was up my alley and I told her I'd "put it on my list"!! Fast forward to 2009, I'm on my usual Saturday morning sojourn to Barnes and Noble and I come across "Outlander" in the fiction section. As I am currently without any books to read and nothing catching my interest, I decide to finally give it a try. All I can say is " I cannot believe I wasted almost 20 years of my life without reading this book!"
I won't go into the plot as it's already been covered, but, Holy Shit, this is one fantastic book! You've got adventure, drama, history, fantasy and romance. Easily the best romantic story line I've ever read and literally the most charismatic, appealing male lead I've seen. I've since read the whole series and love it even today. If you've ever read a book and literally gotten so sucked in that you can't possibly read fast enough, then you know what I'm talking about..Oh, and Jamie Fraser is a God!
I've been an avid reader since I was 8 and Jamie is without a doubt my most beloved. Whomever your favorite male protagonist is I can promise you that no one compares to Jamie, no one! Read on, GR friends, this series is epic and you won't regret it!!!
P.S. ( circa Fall2013..) I usually don't care if someone does not like a book that I love. Everyone's tastes are different. That being said.. I find if someone says something negative about Outlander I have an almost visceral reaction and want to stab them with a fork. So if you're a hater you better watch yourself..and seriously? What's wrong with you? .READ KINDLE ☭ Outlander (Outlander, #1) ☢
Claire Randall is leading a double life. She has a husband in one century, and a lover in another...
In 1945, Claire Randall, a former combat nurse, is back from the war and reunited with her husband on a second honeymoon—when she innocently touches a boulder in one of the ancient stone circles that dot the British Isles. Suddenly she is a Sassenach—an "outlander"—in a Scotland torn by war and raiding border clans in the year of our Lord...1743.
Hurled back in time by forces she cannot understand, Claire's destiny in soon inextricably intertwined with Clan MacKenzie and the forbidden Castle Leoch. She is catapulted without warning into the intrigues of lairds and spies that may threaten her life ...and shatter her heart. For here, James Fraser, a gallant young Scots warrior, shows her a passion so fierce and a love so absolute that Claire becomes a woman torn between fidelity and desire...and between two vastly different men in two irreconcilable lives./var/www/hub/../html/index.php/var/www/hub/../html/index.php The Nine Wrong Answers Claire Randall Not Out of Hate: A Novel of Burma a former combat nurse Those Days is back from the war and reunited with her husband on a second honeymoon—when she innocently touches a boulder in one of the ancient stone circles that dot the British Isles. Suddenly she is a Sassenach—an "outlander"—in a Scotland torn by war and raiding border clans in the year of our Lord...1743.
Hurled back in time by forces she cannot understand Os Reis da Festa Claire's destiny in soon inextricably intertwined with Clan MacKenzie and the forbidden Castle Leoch. She is catapulted without warning into the intrigues of lairds and spies that may threaten her life ...and shatter her heart. For here Chander & Sudha James Fraser Chander & Sudha a gallant young Scots warrior Chander & Sudha a gallant young Scots warrior WHATTTT HOW DID I NOT MARK THIS MAGNIFICENT CREATION OF A NOVEL AS READ BEFORE???
I read this book 2 years ago and it has captured my heart and is my favorite book of all time 3 This book is my love, you all know this. It deserves an infinite amount of stars, too bad Goodreads only allows 5!
Check out my review on YouTube here:
{sitelink} (Ok, first off, there are going to be minor spoilers/hints in this review…read at your own risk, although I’ll try not to reveal too much.)
Outlander is a damn good book. Sure, the book has a blue fake leather cover, costs four bucks, and screams “spinning rack at the airport bookstore”. I approached the text with suspicion but found myself invested in the language and storyline within the first hundred pages. Here’s why:
TEN GOOD THINGS ABOUT OUTLANDER
1. The characterizations of Jamie and Claire, along with a few other less important figures, are stellar. Ms. G. goes out of her way to create rich, deep personalities. If you thought Jamie was only going to be a caricature of romantic manhood, you’d be wrong. If you thought Claire was going to be a plucky damsel in distress, you’re wrong.
2. As I’ve said before, Ms. G. did her research. Her sense of detail, whether discussing plants or historical elements intrinsic to the plant, is admirable.
3. There are a few truly funny passages in the book. Claire’s interactions with men who try to tell her what to do, and her sharp tongue, are often quite entertaining.
4. There are a few very, um, stimulating parts in Outlander. You know what I mean, those of you who have the reached the cave scene and a few others earlier in the book.
5. Ms. G. displays strong insight in trust and relationships. The fights between Claire and Jamie seem real and at times harrowing. Jamie’s recovery near the end of the book and his description of his trials are nothing short of terrifying. She doesn’t spare her reader or the characters tough questions and emotional pain. Outlander is not an easy read.
6. The plot moves quickly. I found myself wanting to cheat and page ahead to find out what was going to happen. This book screams screenplay. Why is it not a movie?
7. Ms. G. writes well. I know that sounds trite, but she structures her sentences intelligently and reading rarely dragged. I knocked out 850 pages in three busy weeks but looked forward to picking up the book after the house grew quiet.
8. John Randall and the witch (can’t remember her name, Ginnie or something) were both welldrawn. Randall in particular fascinated me. Villains are usually less complicated than Mr. Randall.
9. The “time travel” facet of the book, as Kirk pointed out, is handled very well and not overused in a sensationalistic manner.
10. Outlander raises some fascinating ethical questions. I could see it as a good book club book. Should Claire get married? Did she put herself in unreasonable danger and some of her friends in danger in turn? What’s up with Randall? Those types of questions.
THREE THINGS I THOUGHT OUTLANDER COULD DO BETTER
1. There were times when I felt Ms. G. was setting up the sequel a bit too much. You know when you’re watching a movie and you can tell some plot points aren’t going to get resolved until the next one? That feeling? I could feel that a couple times.
2. The prison and Lollybrook (sp?) scenes dragged a bit. Outlander really could have been two books.
3. I wasn’t comfortable with some of the religious discussion during Jamie’s recovery. I’m not sure why Ms. G. put the priest in and the conversation in which Claire’s actions are rationalized. I didn’t think that was necessary.
Ok, I have a question. Why is the quality of Outlander so controversial? It’s a flatout good book. Is it because Outlander is aimed, it seems, primarily at women? Is it the huge, smelly pile of Fabiocovered romance novels tainting Ms. G.’s work? I swear, and I think I’ve said this before, market this book differently and you’ve got a respected hit on your hands rather than a lessrespected novel that sold a zillion copies but appears to be of lesser quality than it is (thanks, fake leather cover!). Don’t be afraid of Outlander. It’s a solid adventure story with decent psychological insight and some good sex scenes. I doubt you’ll be disappointed. Take the risk. Don’t be a wuss.
Lopera di Rabelais e la cultur la Rabelais
Lopera di Rabelais e la cultur la Rabelais